Miriam Hoekstra-van der Deen, portfolio non-executive director and CEO of ASVB: ‘If you think the grass is greenest on your side of the fence, what have you really learnt about yourself?’

How would you explain what you do to a child?
I am responsible for 25 companies, all of which build things that matter. Homes, hospitals, water systems and car parks. The things we need in order to live and work. I look at how the businesses are performing, which companies we might want to acquire and how their management teams are doing. Are they happy in their roles? Are they performing well enough? Do we need to step in?

The companies are owned by the Aan de Stegge family. Our job is to make sure the businesses and their management teams continue to thrive, so that the family can eventually pass the group on to the next generation and continue using its wealth to support worthwhile initiatives.

Is working for a family-owned business important to you?
This is my first time working for one. Before joining ASVB, I worked at Woonstad in Rotterdam, at Schiphol Airport and at Erasmus MC, always on the client side. I worked closely with contractors and construction companies, and I repeatedly found that family-owned businesses were the most enjoyable to work with.

They are not preoccupied with short-term results. They ask: how can we build a lasting relationship? At Woonstad, for example, I worked with a company that constructed an entire apartment building from timber. It included social and mid-market rental homes, which generate lower returns. Working with companies that think and act for the long term means you can explore together where each side can give and take, and how you can achieve something worthwhile, such as building sustainably. I find that enormously rewarding.

What is the most difficult decision you have ever had to make?
Letting people go. Saying goodbye is always difficult. I do not shy away from it, but I believe it is important to handle it in a way that means you can still face each other if your paths cross again later in life. I believe in people, but sometimes you have to intervene. It should always be done with respect. I also tell people that having to make that decision affects me personally, and that there is always a possibility that I have got it wrong.

Have you ever regretted letting someone go?
No. Looking back, however, I do think I sometimes acted too quickly at the beginning of my career. Today, I might first try to change the circumstances together with that person, giving them another opportunity to succeed. That said, people almost always land on their feet. I have changed roles many times myself, and it has been incredibly enriching. You can, and sometimes have to, reinvent yourself.

Almost everyone who makes a change, whether voluntarily or out of necessity, eventually says: I should have done this years ago.
Sometimes people tell me: I have worked at this company for 30 years and there is nowhere better. I sometimes wonder what evidence they are basing that conclusion on. If you think the grass is greenest on your side of the fence, what have you really learnt about yourself?

How do you bring out the best in others?
By not watching over them too closely, but exploring together how they want to develop. I always look for the point where greater honesty or clarity is needed. If I notice something in someone, I say it. If someone is struggling in their personal life, I will always ask further questions. Should you not address this? Otherwise, sooner or later, it will begin to affect your work. People can find that confronting, but more than once someone has told me that I gave them the final push they needed.

Have you ever received feedback that took you by surprise?
Earlier in my career, people sometimes told me that I underestimated the effect I had on others. Some found me intimidating. Over time, I became more comfortable showing my vulnerability. That worked well when I joined Woonstad. People there had become rather worn down, and they were visibly relieved to discover that I was approachable and easy to talk to.

When I started here, however, that approach did not work at all. I opened up and showed vulnerability, but some of the managing directors responded by asking: are we expected to do that too? Do you expect the same kind of personal story from me?

Others thought: this is all about you, but what are you actually here to contribute? I had prepared myself to be challenged on the substance of the role, but this was an entirely different experience.

Who or what has shaped you most as a leader?
My first manager was at Schiphol. He was a contrarian with a very strong vision. At one point, he held up a pair of jeans and said: anyone who can afford these will soon be able to afford to fly. This was when low-cost airlines such as easyJet were beginning to emerge. The established airlines dismissed the idea. He faced enormous resistance, but he made a lasting impression on me. He taught me the importance of standing for something.

Another manager I had at Schiphol was one of the few women in a senior position. I was 29 when I walked into her office and told her I wanted to lead. She did not laugh at me. Instead, she said she thought it was a wonderful ambition.
Later, she invited me to her home and pointed me towards a management position that was about to become available. She saw something in me and took my ambition seriously.

What lesson did you take from that?
Do not make people’s ambitions smaller when they voice them. I always encourage people to think big. Of course, you also have to deliver, but it starts with saying your ambition out loud. You have to shape your own career. Nobody is going to look through a filing cabinet one day and suddenly decide that it is your turn.

Which personal quality would you most like to leave behind?
I would like to be less of an insecure overachiever. I would like to feel less of a need for validation. I am 54 and have built this career, so what am I still worrying about? When my start at ASVB proved difficult, I should simply have thought: I should have handled that differently. End of story. Instead, I kept searching for the things I had done well. Of course there were positive aspects too, but at that moment, they were beside the point.

Where and how do your best ideas come to you?
Getting enough sleep makes an enormous difference. When my children were younger, I spent a lot of time in survival mode. I have much more headspace now. As a senior leader, you are fortunate enough to be able to create that space for yourself. You can stare into the distance, let your thoughts wander or look out of the window on a train.

I can also tell whether the entrepreneurs I work with have enough headspace. Are they able to think ahead? Do they talk more about opportunities than about the issues demanding their attention today? Those are the people I can call when a struggling company needs to be acquired.

My motto has been the same for years: power and strength belong on the shop floor. I firmly believe that the people doing the work have the clearest understanding of what an organisation needs. That principle is built into this role. The holding company is small, and the real strength lies within the individual businesses. They set their own direction.

Do you never wonder what you are still needed for?
Quite the opposite. I find it incredibly exciting to have the space to think about the future. What are we going to do about the growing influence of AI, or the rise of prefabricated construction? How can we support companies that are experiencing financial difficulties?
I also enjoy thinking about leadership teams and the relationship between a CEO and COO. Shared leadership is incredibly powerful. It not only makes life at the top less lonely, it also allows you to think decisions through much more thoroughly.

When you ensure that leadership is diverse in every respect, decisions stop being about you personally. They become about what you and the other person need to do for the company. That is also how I work with my CFO. We had to have the right connection. Otherwise, I could not have accepted this role.

How do you find out whether that connection is there?
Beforehand, we spent hours together sharing our life stories. You quickly begin to understand how the other person is wired, what matters to them and what is likely to trigger a strong response. It is incredibly powerful when the other person can also tell a vulnerable story and say: when this happens, I hear my father’s voice in the back of my mind. Or: right now, I can hear my mother. 

Working with people who have a genuinely deep understanding of themselves is an absolute joy.